I can't decide.
So much shit has happened in the past month.
I just don't know.
I had something perfect - that got fudged up because the wrong end of the stick got caught.
two situations, guy 1 and guy 2
Guy1 :
I like him,
He likes me.
I'm single.
Hes taken.
He thinks we should see what happens
I think not.
I don't like cheaters.
One half of me is saying go for it.
The other is saying once a cheat always a cheat.
It'll blow up in my face.
I know it will.
Arg! KARMA!
Guy 2:
at the moment there is one half of me trying to move on, and the other stuck in this situation.
the half that wants to move on - isn't.
It's stuck in the worlds most packed traffic jam.
Like, I know he practically hates me, or as I've been told 'he doesn't hate you just really dislikes you'
SAME THING!!!
I'm so sorry for everything like.
If I could go back in time, this is the one thing I would change.
Like badly.
I've lost friends because of this.
I could play at his game and make him feel the way I do.
But I can't.
I can't bring myself to do it knowing how I feel about him.
I don't know why I feel so much for him.
We only went out for a month or so. We've been broken up longer than we have together.
But when we were together it was awesome.
Arg!
I love how his hair isn't always perfect.
I love his smell.
I love how he's always blunt.
I love how he's clever yet plays it down.
I love how he always tried to impress me.
I just want him to do that funny little laugh he does.
I want him to hold me like he did.
I want him to carry on being clumsy in the same way that I am.
I feel so good around him.
Felt so good.
ARG i dunno what to call it... it's not love.
I dunno if it's lust.
It's more than like.
But not love.
I feel like it is. But it's not.
I feel like I'm begging all of the time.
I dunno what to do.
I want to stay away. I'm doing my best.
I deleted his number, so I don't text him when I'm pissed or something stupid.
He told me to leave him alone. I am.
I delete him from my profile.
It's what he wants.
I stay away from him.
It's what he wants.
I stop talking ot his friends while hes around.
It's what he wants.
I don't even look at him.
It's what he wants.
Yet I turn around, and hes staring at me.
Out of disgust?
Out of wondering if I'm thinking of him?
Out of thinking I'm going to look at him?
I don't know.
And theres this song.
I'm gussing it's a coincidence, but WHAT A COICIDENCE!
It's like all about me!
If the lyrics are saying what hes feeling, if its not a coincidence.
Then he still likes me.
I just hurt him too much.
I didn't hurt him intentionally.
I didn't even know what I done.
I've explained the truth to him, but he still doesn't believe me.
It does sound far fetched to be fair.
Even I wouldn't belivee me.
I don't know what to do.
Everyone just says give it time. Leave him alone.
I'm trying so bad.
But i feel like it's killing me.
REALLY BADLY.
I liked guy 1 before I liked guy 2, but somehow I don't have the same feelings for him. It's a different feeling. I do fancy him, hes fit and funny, and the rest.
But I just don't have the same feelings.
I feel jus so...ME when Im with Guy 2.
It takes alot for me to say my true feelings about this.
No one gets it.
I can't even explain it myself.
I don't know what it is thats why.
I'm just so sorry.